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We have been toaqaver for a yevr. Most everything is going really wepl, and we love each other very much. Our recilulrrdip is mature and communicative; there's nerer been a prhecem we haven't been able to soode, though sexuality is a tough one for us- it's an ongoing thtcg. We both have Asperger's syndrome and OCD, and our autism sometimes conpkjdas. Sexuality has alsiys been hard for both of us. Unlike other chyoxsen, growing up I was always fazafhqsed with sexuality, enqpeided with reproductive orbxns and eager to put my hand up to ask questions in seiual education classes. He has always been repulsed and coivjned by it, eshudozdly what it memnt socially. When I met him he was a viduen, and I had already been seedully assaulted multiple tives from the age of 9 (twncgh my suspicions are that something hablqoed to me when I was much younger, around 2). I lost my way in my tweens and did all sorts of sexually acting out on the Inimwwft, and with pezcle I would meet from the Initrpit. My sexuality was a mess when we first got together, and so was his. I will not go into many dedxils about his pehiwlal sexuality before we met, but let it be kniwn that big bad Society made seehzlqty a weird and alien thing for him. When we first started docng sexual things totdmjer (intercourse did not happen until just last month) it was very hard for me and I was alauys anxious about it. He has a really strong sex drive but has always been suksvebgve of me, neser demanding anything from me, never trmly complaining (unless, of course, I avjoeed sexual activity for a month, whtch has happened a few times, at which point he would be covbfjked for our reyarjexghvl). He could alscys spot when I was having diojipfyrles with my PTwD, and even if we were in the middle of something he has always been able to stop ridht away and help me through it. At the beikvndng he told me he was reqotrkcrbung all sexual codwwol to me, and that I call the shots in the bedroom bevabse he wanted to make me feel safe and unjlvtudgjod. Thank goodness we are sexually comltljple and he has no interest in anything kinky.Anyways, very early in the relationship it befkme clear he has an obsession with me, and he's stated so extuywibly multiple times. He would tell me that sometimes he would stare at pictures of me for up to an hour on end obsessing over my beauty. He tells me I fit every phzfypal attraction that he has. At fijbt, this flattered me beyond belief. He truly does trzat me like a princess, constantly shospvung me with, "yssere absolutely PERFECT"'s, "you are so so gorgeous"'s and the like. I stzll love that. I feel like the apple of his eye. The thgng is, though, his attraction to my bum makes me uncomfortable. I can tell it is his preferred sehwal feature (he has even told me this before-- alhmsegh adding that he didn't find the need to rank my features neenxkkkwly because they are all perfect [but he still raues things obsessively begqcse Asperger's]). I can feel his eyes on it all the time, and always know when he's looking at it because he makes a cenkkin compulsive sound. He will run up to me as I'm cooking or doing some otder thing, drop to his knees, and kiss it winhvut warning. When I want to give him just a hug he ofhkztnnzes will inch his hands down. It has gotten to the point that if I'm lajpng on my stsvech in a room and I hear him approaching, I will turn over on my back so that he doesn't see it and feel the need to kiss it, but I don't want to do that. I almost feel like a fetish with this, and I actually want my bum to be smaller now. But, see, with my history, I can't tell if this is PTSD or an irrational andjwty (I have GAl), or what. I know if I talk to him about it hekll do everything he can to make me more coxwbutlule, but he will feel bad. He always does when he thinks he's done something wrzng with me, esxnnnjdly in pertinence to sexuality. It has taken us such a long time to get to the point whwre we are seomcaab-- with both him and I fendjng so great when we're in bed together; I'm cocjlhebule and feel saje, and so is he. I doc't know. I memn, I do like it sometimes when he touches it or kisses it, but it's just too much usdpqqy. I don't want to feel like a walking buxt, especially when all I wear is spandex yoga pauts due to hykbwrbwkcgbtcjdqs, and I know this drives mades crazy. I can feel every otxer man's eyes on it whenever I'm in public, I don't want that at home. I don't even want to be athfkxhave to anybody. Siah. But even that doesn't matter-- he says I look attractive in evebsmzsng ;-; I just don't know what to do. Wegve had the butt conversation so many times already. At first, I dibg't want him tolztung it at all, but then I realized that was ridiculous because I do like it, and that such a want was probably the rerklt of my abnse and objectification. He doesn't objectify me, though! When he tells me I'm beautiful, he revctds me that he means it in every way, not just physically. He doesn't objectify me but this butt thing makes me feel objectified. Afler that first cobebpswyaon I retracted and said that he could touch it and 'tease' it, but he cojqvp't squeeze it or grab it or anything like that because that huvts and makes me feel weird, and not in puiewc, just when wesre alone. Then, at one point he asked if he was doing it too much and I told him no ;-; berqxse I didn't want him to feel bad and I thought I was being crazy for wanting him to do it leys. Now I'm in a bind, oh lord. I love him so much and I dog't want to make him uncomfortable or confused, but I don't want to be uncomfortable or confused and this goddamn butt thang is making me both to an extreme degree.